I had a toxic week. Since I have a one week deadline with my doctor to whether I’m going to be confined in the hospital or take a risk by taking my medicines at home, I tried to finish all my deadlines. I like everything to be organized and I always want to be prepared that’s why even though I still trust God that He will not let me be hospitalized again, I still made some arrangements so that just in case I’ll get admitted my work will not suffer and everything in my life will fall into chaos again. I still want to have a life when I get back anyway.

I’m trying my best to accept that Lupus is decided it’s time to visit me again, after all it has been almost four years since my major lupus flare and I’ve been so blessed during my remission days. I’ve been very careful, sometimes even freaking out with every detail just to avoid a flare and I’m not sure what I’ve done wrong again to have missed the signs that my lupus is indeed here again.

I don’t want to rant, I don’t want to put blame on anyone, I actually don’t know what to feel. Sometimes I feel sad, angry and worried but I try to dismiss any negative thoughts and try to focus that God is my healer, that He is the same God who did wonders in my life several years back and I know even though I don’t feel worthy of His love, He loves and cares for me anyway. He had never forsaken me and I am keeping the faith that in His time everything will be beautiful again. I just pray that He gives me enough strength to go on each day, battling with this illness. I strongly believe that…

Your body is one of the most fragile things you own and must take care of. All too often, we allow sickness, stress, other people, etc. to run our lives. Not only will you feel better but other areas of your life will also improve if you work toward good general health. It’s very tough to stay consistent as you pursue your goals if you’re laid up or constantly fighting off sickness.

It is only by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure. The very cave you are afraid to enter turns out to be the source of what you are looking for.

~Joseph Campbell

Oftentimes, I find myself at the crossroads, always sure of where to go but uncertain to which road I am going to take. I never regret the paths that I choose to lead for I know that somehow I was meant to be there, even though many times I had to endure the consequences of the mistakes I made. I know I had to be strong, even when things go wrong because I was meant to learn something for every happening in my life.

There were also times that I find myself at the darkest part of my life, the times that I thought I would never recover and yes, there were a lot of times that I almost gave up but while watching Dark Knight, I remembered these lines “the darkest hour is just before dawn and believe me, the dawn is drawing near” (or something like that) I would like to believe that I don’t need the dawn to see the light for I may be at the abyss of my life right now but the abyss is where you can find one of the ocean’s finest treasure and though, I have not found my treasure yet but the thought of what lies ahead is more than enough for me to go on.

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
Psalm 27:14

My feet are still swollen. This is another dreadful days I have with lupus and I can’t help but rant about it. There are just so many things that I needed to do but now that I’m having another bad day with lupus I can’t do anything but to stay home. Days like these usually makes me sad, especially when I’m left alone in the house. I feel helpless and I don’t want my loved-ones to worry about me. Is it only wishful thinking that someday they will find a cure for lupus and I can be normal again. I know most of the time I feel normal and everyone will never think that I am sick, but the thing is I want to be normal all the time and lupus flares will just be a thing in the past. Maybe its wishful thinking, any medical person will tell me that a chronic illness can’t be healed but I have a deeper faith and belief that no matter how great this illness maybe I have a greater God who heals and in time I know He will extend His hands on me and completely heal me…

What I love most about the Lenten season is the absolute silence that surrounds me. My family usually just spend our time alone in our little haven. I usually take this time to be alone with my thoughts and reflect on how God has been good to me and to my family. This video was a presentation we had at our church and I weep when I saw it, I couldn’t sing that song because I always end up in tears. The suffering of Jesus’ crucifixion is the ultimate sacrifice He made because He loves us so much. He took our sins and paid for it, we should be the one being nailed in the cross but His wondrous love saved us all. He died for we may live, let us not forget to give Him back all the glory and praises. I stand amazed and mesmerized by His love. Please take this moment to watch this video.

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life and only a few find it.”
Matthew 7: 13 – 14

I love to travel but I’m not really fond of flying. Especially the hassle you have to go through at the airport. I don’t really like entering the airport security scanner, it is the gate you got to enter alone. This is where the security personnel asks you to take off your shoes before you enter that scanner and you have to go through that before you board the plane. The scanner will check everything in your pockets for any harmful weapon or illegal substance. But you don’t have to worry that scanner will not check your heart or what you might be thinking at that time.

However, this is not the case when we choose to enter the narrow gate to eternity. We are checked and scanned thoroughly. There are pressures and hardship along the way. We have to stop and recheck ourselves many times along the way.

The wide gate, although is always opened to welcome everyone, may not be the one for us.

Which gate you choose is your own choice.

For someone who is struck with Lupus like me, the summer season is truly a dreadful one. Last year’s summer was terrible for me, my constant “flare” made it difficult for me to even walk around. The relentless heat was felt all over the country (perhaps even the whole world) and for “Lupies” the sun and the heat are synonyms of flare and pain. I’m not sure how I endured the tormenting weakness I felt, the butterfly mark on my face were so noticeable that most people thought I was just blushing, the overwhelming fatigue is what I hated the most. I think I’ve spent more money in sunscreens than I ever spent in shopping alone. When everyone else is enjoying the sun in the beach, I am locked in my air-conditioned room, shielding myself from the sun. As I patiently wait for the sun to go down so that I could get a glimpse of the beach.

Every morning, I find myself praying for rain or at least to feel the coldness once again.. I’ll say to God “Please let it rain today, let there be a cloud to cover the sun and embrace me in chill factor so that I can go outside!”

I can already feel the summer heat and I am somehow terrified that even though I am currently Lupus flare-free the sun will trigger a flare and I have to go through all that again. Argghh, the pain and suffering of having this chronic illness can sometimes be annoying. But I am keeping the faith that no matter how the weather may be or how the global warming affects my Lupus, God is way stronger than all these and He will carry me along and help me get through it.

Take care my fellow Lupies, and for everyone suffering from any illness. Take heart and know that God is always in control.

“We leave something incomplete everyday, whether it’s an area of housework, school, work, friendship, ministry ~ because we are finite.”

~ from The Hidden Art of Homemaking by Edith Schaeffer~

Sometimes I feel like my work is never done. And no matter how I stay up late at night to catch up on my deadlines, I still have a lot of things to do in the morning. There are times that I feel like I’m running, as if I’m in a race and I have to be at the finish line but the thing is I’m only competing with myself. I tend to overdo things sometimes and I always like to challenge myself, almost to the point that I want to do it all, all at the same time. When I was still active in the ministry, I was a Sunday school teacher, a Praise and Worship leader, an outreach coordinator, public school ministry teacher, bible study leader, member of the choir, children’s church facilitator among others. I was doing everything all at the same time but at that time I was on fire, my only desire is to serve the Lord and because of that I neglected my duties at work and had forgotten about my social life. I thought I was doing what God wants me to do. I never really thought that being in the ministry will cause me so much stress and despair, slowly I experienced a Christian burn out. I had to leave and redirect my life. At that time I feel so lost, not really knowing what God has in store for me. I was scared that I might choose the wrong path again and I may go astray.

It was a hard fall, a difficult lesson that I still have to learn. I am no super woman, I am “finite” there’s a limit on what I can do and although at times I feel like I can do all things, I can’t. Somehow, I have learned to manage my time and try to have some balance in all aspects of my life. But the everyday burden seems to be piling up all the time and I just need to remind myself from time to time of Matthew 11:30 “my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” And if I feel like what I’m carrying seems heavy, I just seek the Lord’s presence and remind me that I don’t have to do it all. Life is short and it’s not a race. We are bound to some limitations whether we like it or not, and it’s alright God is not asking for perfection He’s merely asking for passion in everything we do, so find time to just sit back, relax and enjoy life…

God bless!

I just came home from church and today’s message was something that I can very much relate to. I’m not a very forgiving person, I tend to hold grudges and I have a tendency to retaliate. As a Christian, I know that it’s not right and we should always try to forgive but then again as human beings we can’t really be that good.  There were a lot of people who had hurt me in the past, friends who betrayed me and those who used me. These are the people who had caused me pain and a lot of tears. But today’s message reminded me that when we’re angry at someone, we give that person power over us, power over our sleep, our appetite, our happiness and even our health. God commanded us to love our enemies, and it is not something we can do on our own but with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. How can we ask for forgiveness if we ourselves cannot forgive? True healing and happiness comes in knowing that we obeyed God’s commandment and we learned to love our enemies.

Have a blessed Sunday!

“Don’t blame suffering in the world on the anger of God. He’s not mad; he didn’t mess up. Follow our troubles to their headwaters, and you won’t find any angry or befuddled God. But you will find a sovereign God.
Your pain has a purpose. Your problems, struggles, heartaches, and hassles cooperate toward one end — the glory of God.”

~Max Lucado, It’s Not About Me~

I can’t remember how many times I have blamed God for all the heartaches and the sorrows that came my way. I remembered when I first learned that I have Lupus and my life will forever be changed because of that illness, my first thought was “why me, God” and I pointed out to God if I have been so undeserving, have I been so screwed up in my life that now He is punishing me? Is He angry with me or something? And at the end I found myself blaming God and being angry with Him. For a while, I kept my distance I even came to the point that I stopped praying and I thought, I can do it on my own and I don’t need God. I was a rebel child, I felt God has forsaken me and He don’t love me anymore.

It took awhile before I started to realize who am I kidding, all my life God has been good to me. He had given me everything I wanted and so much more, He has never left my side and He has always helped me when I need Him the most. I know, from the moment that I accepted Jesus in my life as my personal Lord and Savior I did not just take part of His glorious moment but I also have to take part in sharing His pain. Everyday, God is teaching me how to humble myself and accept that my pain has a purpose. My illness taught me so much about life and although I still complain and rant about it especially when the pain is so strong I have learned to embrace it, to live with it with grace… knowing that it was given to me for a reason and although I still don’t have any idea what reason could that be, I only need to trust God and have faith that everything He does is for my own good.

God never stopped loving me, He was not angry with me even though I am undeserving of His goodness, He loves me so much that there is nothing that I can do to make Him love me more and there’s nothing I could have done to make Him love me less. God loves me unconditionally and not everything is about me, there’s a greater good for all our sufferings and struggles we just need to be patient and let God do the work…

God bless all of you and for more of inspirational In Other Words visit On The Horizon.

A little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it was “too crowded.”

“I can’t go to Sunday School,” she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by.

Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason and, taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday school class. The child was so happy that they found room for her, and she went to bed that night thinking of the children who have no place to worship Jesus.

Some two years later, this child lay dead in one of the poor tenement buildings. Her parents called for the kindhearted pastor who had befriended their daughter to handle the final arrangements.

As her poor little body was being moved, a worn and crumpled red purse was found which seemed to have been rummaged from some trash dump.

Inside was found 57 cents and a note, scribbled in childish handwriting, which read: “This is to help build the little church bigger so more children can go to Sunday School.”

For two years she had saved for this offering of love.

When the pastor tearfully read that note, he knew instantly what he would do. Carrying this note and the cracked, red pocketbook to the pulpit, he told the story of her unselfish love and devotion.

He challenged his deacons to get busy and raise enough money for the larger building.

But the story does not end there…

A newspaper learned of the story and published It. It was read by a wealthy realtor who offered them a parcel of land worth many thousands.

When told that the church could not pay so much, he offered to sell it to the little church for 57 cents.

Church members made large donations. Checks came from far and wide.
Within five years the little girl’s gift had increased to $250,000.00- -a huge sum for that time (near the turn of the century).. Her unselfish love had paid large dividends.

When you are in the city of Philadelphia , look up Temple Baptist Church , with a seating capacity of 3,300. And be sure to visit TempleUniversity, where thousands of students are educated.

Have a look, too, at the Good Samaritan Hospital and at a Sunday School building which houses hundreds of beautiful children, built so that no child in the area will ver need to be left outside during Sunday school time.

In one of the rooms of this building may be seen the picture of the sweet face of the little girl whose 57 cents, so sacrificially saved, made such remarkable history. Alongside of it is a portrait of her kind pastor, Dr. Russell H. Conwell, author of the book, “Acres of Diamonds”.

This is a true story, which goes to show WHAT GOD CAN DO WITH 57 CENTS.

There is a difference between planning and worrying. One is time well spent, the other time is wasted. Worry never changes a thing except the worrier.

When you crowd out worry, you send anxiety packing. You travel lighter knowing you won’t sink under today’s load. It’s only when tomorrow’s cares are added to those of today that the weight is more than you can bear. God never intended you to worry, to fret over things beyond your control. When you concentrate on God’s promises to meet all your needs, you fend off tensions in this world. God will replace your cares with a secret strength to endure what happens today, and release thoughts of all the things that might go wrong tomorrow. Stop worrying, just remember that if God brings you to it… It only means He has faith in you, so have faith in yourself too that you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.