Days like these don’t happen all the time,
I’m usually quite jolly and really fine.
I enjoy the days where it doesn’t hurt to walk
When I’m in a good mood, and okay to talk.

But days like these, come very few.
When I hate being me and I wish to start anew.
Where I don’t have to worry about what’s going on
And feeling this ache doesn’t mean something’s wrong.

Today I am lonely that I have Lupus,
And I pray that no one had to go through this.
That a cure will be possible in a pill.
Instead of heading to more doctors for more crazy bills.

I know I shouldn’t worry about it at all.
But it’s hard when symptoms start staking ten feet tall.
When my hands swell to where I can’t even write.
Or when my legs hurt so much, I can’t sleep through the night.

When it hurts to see the sun shining down on me.
Or to walk a few steps and sit under a tree.
To simply open a can of soda to get a simple drink.
Or when it hurts so badly, I can’t even think.

I know everyday is not always going to be like this.
I just wish the bad days, would be the ones I would miss.
When I just feel like sleeping and doing nothing more.
And shutting everyone out, and locking the door.

But the sun goes down and the moon shines bright.
While God helps me through another restless night.
And even though these days may come and come again.
I know He will be with me, always holding me hand.

This month is lupus awareness month and it sometimes saddens me that the illness is still unknown to most people. Personally, I would like everyone to understand what lupus is all about so that I wont have to explain again and again what  I am going through, it is very draining. Lupus remains to be a most misunderstood illness of all, simply because it is impossible to know if you have lupus or to recognize anyone who is suffering from lupus that is why it is called the invisible disease but it helps to know somehow if you are having these common symptoms and you might just avoid any serious lupus flare attack in the future.

• Achy joints with swelling
• Extreme fatigue
• Unexplained rashes
• Unexplained rashes that turn to sores, then scar
• Butterfly malar rash across nose and cheeks
• Anemia
• Pleurisy (pain in the chest when deep breathing)
• Ulcers inside the mouth and nose
• Photosensitivity
• Cardiopulmonary disorders (heart/lung)

If  you are somehow experiencing these, better consult a doctor right away. An early prevention is always better than a cure.

The nights are getting colder and colder. I love this weather. The chill is very much a delight for a lupus patient like me because we can go out even if there’s sunlight because the heat won’t bite us. But still, having sunscreen is a must. I am not sure though if this cold weather is suitable with people who are suffering from arthritis like most lupus patients I know. There are a lot of arthritis treatment nowadays, and I hope you can find one that will work well with you.

It’s been eight difficult years with Lupus and I used to say that I am waiting for a miracle, it is only on my recent birthday celebration that I finally realize that everyday of my life is already a miracle in itself. I know that I am blessed and it is by the grace of God that I am once again starting to recover from my longest flare ever… when almost everyone thought it was the end of the line for me, that finally lupus had won… lupus may have crippled and ruined my life, my dreams and probably my future but it didn’t destroy my spirit. I know in my heart that no matter how painful my struggles are, God is way much stronger than anything else and with Him, I know I can do anything…

I really pray this could be it… the answer to all Lupus patient’s prayers!

We are one giant step closer to the day we have been waiting for…

It’s been four years ago since this picture was taken…

Exactly four years ago when I slipped into coma and was in the ICU for almost a week. It was only a miracle that saved me back then. Being in the hospital is not something new for me but this memory is the most devastating  yet most inspiring as well. My journey with lupus is not easy and I know there will be times that my strength can no longer sustain me but my faith in God keeps me holding on and I do believe that healing comes only from HIM.

God bless us all!

The sun is shining brightly today. After almost a week of rain, it’s refreshing to feel the sun rays again. Yes, it’s known fact that being sick with Lupus the sun is my ultimate enemy but still I am glad that the rain is finally over at least for now.

I received a very surprising and exciting email this morning…

Hi!

Congratulations! Your readers have submitted and voted for your
blog at TheDaily Reviewer. We compiled an exclusive list of the
Top 100 lupus Blogs, and we are glad to let you know that your
blog was included! You can see it
at http://thedailyreviewer.com/top/lupus


Dancing With Butterflies

Top lupus blogs

I was really surprised and flattered. I have to admit that ever since I got sick, I’m not really blogging that much. There’s just so many emotions that I just want to keep for myself, I am a bit scared to deal with those emotions. Blogging can stir up those feelings that I rather want to keep unspoken. It’s just too painful and I’m not ready to deal with it just yet.

I am also not inspired to blog, maybe I’m just lazy or busy with other things like playing on Facebook goodness, I gotta have a life. I may be an Engineer but I am a writer by heart that is why I know that I will keep on blogging, I just need a little bit more time to be inspired but with this recognition for my blog I am definitely grateful and somehow encourage to blog about how lupus affected my life. I still want to inspire people who are dealing with a chronic illness like me, that there is hope and healing comes from our God and no matter how painful our struggles can be, and our journey can be so depressing, God remains faithful even if we’re not and He shall give what our hearts desire, let’s just keep our eyes on Him.

Thank you for this recognition and have blessed day everyone!

It seems that my days are becoming longer and longer, and yet time seems to passed by me onso quickly. I guess that’s what I need to bear while I’m home recovering from a very long lupus flare. Yes, I am bored, annoyed and frustrated. As much as I wanted to be optimistic about my situation right now there are still times that I just feel sad that I cannot do the things that I wanna do because I am sick and my life is again on hold. I sometimes feel invalid, useless and hopeless but I just can’t do anything about it.

It’s been a very long journey with lupus, August is my anniversary month, its been eight painful years and my battle seems to be difficult than ever. I know lupus is supposed to be a chronic illness and my doctors said that I’m going to deal with this illness for the rest of my life, but I am still holding on to my faith that God is my ulitimate healer and there is no disease that He cannot heal, and I do trust in Him that He will heal me from this illness in His own time. But right now, I just need to endure the pain and wait till this flare goes away and I can go back in living my life.

Those were the days of fun… *sigh* I’m a bit sad because I really miss my friends, I miss going out and I miss having fun. I feel like I’ve been sick for so long now that my life became so boring that even I can’t believe is happening to me. I sometimes think if this is my reality or my destiny perhaps, I feel like someone with disability and I just can’t function anymore. There is so many things that I wanted to do but this lupus is preventing me to fulfill my dreams.

I know that these too shall pass and sooner or later I will be back and I will live, but as for now as lupus takes the better part of me and putting my life on hold, at least for now.