Another day had passed me by…

I really shouldn’t be feeling sad or anything like that for I am so blessed that I have no right to complain but I guess this is just one of those days that I’m having some hormonal imbalance again and my lupus anxiety is making me feel all sad and lonely, or maybe, just maybe it’s just some birthday blues… Yeah, I’m turning a year older in a few days time and I should be feeling thankful, after all the past year had been so cruel in terms of me being sick all the time. Imagine being hospitalized for four times in just a span of ten months, undergoing a painful major operation and a lot of difficult medical procedures. It was a tough year and my longest lupus flare ever. I really should be feeling all glad that I have overcome all that and I am slowly recovering from this flare, and yes I am sincerely happy and thankful to God that He had blessed me with another life but then again why am I feeling like this, I feel like crying just thinking about the lost times that I had to waste being sick and I sometimes wonder how long can I be strong to survive having this chronic illness. I am trying so hard to stay strong, to keep the faith and hold on but there are days like today that I wonder about my life, I just feel so insignificant and it seems everything and everyone had moved on with their lives and I am just the same as I was eight years ago… Eight years of having lupus, eight long difficult years of battling with the invisible disease and yes, I do consider myself victorious and blessed but I can only hope and pray that somehow, I will be completely healed and I can go on with my life but until that day happens, here I am, my life temporary on hold and many times I feel time is running out for me…

We often say that at the end of the dark tunnel there is always light but I read yesterday on a friend’s twitter note “While we’re in recession, the lights at the end of tunnel had turned off and we have to wait in darkness if we can survive it” it may seem funny but it is the sad truth of what I am recently feeling…

Posted on Tuesday, October 13th, 2009 at 10:31 pm and is filed under Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.