Just like the butterfly, I too will awaken in my own time. ~Deborah Chaskin
My life once again is put on temporary on hold, just when I thought things are getting better that I’m finally reaching the end of my dark tunnel and finally finding the light… boom, it happens again! Lupus strikes back and this time it did not only crippled my body but it also crippled me emotionally. I’ve always been a strong person with great faith, I always try to see the bright side of everything and I always tell myself that God will never give me something I cannot handle and I thought I am that strong, that since I’ve been through a lot there’s absolutely nothing that can break me anymore, I was wrong.
I just came to the point when doubts clouded my mind, what if I’ll never get well, what if I’ll spend the rest of my life in pain and my family totally broke because of me, what if God is not listening to me and what if I’ll never see sunrise again… the reality of death became real to me again and fear starts to sets in and I remember those sleepless nights at the hospital, those empty hours that I lay awake waiting for the break of dawn so that I could somehow feel I have yet to live another day.
There’s a certain fear in my heart that I know will not go away until such time, I can be assured that things will get better and just like a butterfly, I shall awaken in my own sweet time…
July 6th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Courage is not the absence of fear, it is dealing with our own inner fear. Take courage,EmmyRose. No matter how long the road would be, do not lose that hope. That is the only thing we could hold on during trying time. Never give up. You are stronger than you think. Having an illness and being a sole provider for my child, i always say “The worst thing that may happen is to lose, if ever that would happen, i will lose standing and fighting, up to the last drop of hope i could muster in my system. Up to the last drop!” You can make it. I know. You shall be awaken in your own time. Have courage!
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