It’s a rough Monday for me. I thought that since I had my well-deserved rest over the weekend I’ll be feeling much better now, I guess I’m wrong. The pain that I’ve been feeling is starting to become unbearable, all week I have this pain in near my chest and I’m trying so hard not to tell anyone because I don’t want them to worry. I’ve been pretending to be fine even when I’m not. I just don’t want to be a burden to anyone again and I don’t want to go through the same experience I had when I had a flare. I just don’t know if I have enough strength to go through all that procedure again. I’m terrified and it’s scaring me. But somehow I can no longer hide the pain and I have to find the courage to face whatever this pain is headed.

I was chatting with my cousin awhile ago and we discussed about our coming trip next month. We were lucky enough to get some cheap travel deals. I’m excited since it’s my first time to go to most of the places in the trip. It’s also my first time to travel straight for two weeks. I just hope my lupus will treat me well during the trip so that I can enjoy myself.

I’m not really happy that summer is over. As much as I hate the heat and I am more susceptible for lupus flares during the summer season, I still love summer because I am able to go to the beach. Now, that’s over I can’t help but be sad. Of course, I won’t miss the heat, it’s a good thing we have dehumidifiers that somehow makes me feel like we have fresh air despite the heat.