It’s way past midnight and I’ve been trying to sleep but for some reasons I’ve been tossing and turning for hours now that I finally give up… sleep ain’t gonna happen to me anytime soon. The past week had been toxic. Since I took a vacation to Bicol last week and my fingers are swelling in pain, I couldn’t get some decent work done for a couple of days, not to mention I’ve been feeling so down and exhausted too. The past days I had to catch up on my work and beat my deadlines, I haven’t had enough time to blog or to visit my blogger friends. Last Wednesday, I finally had my check up I know it’s pretty irresponsible on my part I should have seen my doctor a few weeks back but I keep delaying it. For the sole reason that I’ve been feeling so great lately that I fear that my laboratory results will tell me otherwise and it will bring me back to reality that I am still sick with lupus. The pain from my fingers made me want to see my doctor and somehow find relief to what I am feeling and yes, my laboratory results indicated that lupus is still very much active in my kidneys that it’s making such a huge amount of protein leak, I felt really bad. I guess I was having so much fun and I’m trying to forget being sick by engaging myself with normal activities just to prove to others and to myself that I am well and I am stronger than lupus. I thought just because I feel good about myself automatically healed me from lupus but I guess I’m wrong.

I don’t want to dwell so much on it for it may cause me more depression in the coming days and I’m still feeling so down. I guess, I need to be inspired, I need to find something extraordinary to cheer me up and so far there’s just nothing…

Living with lupus sucks! Well, it does and there’s nothing much I can do about it. I am thankful that somehow I still got my faith and I want to stay optimistic. I am hanging on to God’s promise that He will not give me something I cannot carry and I know when things gets out of hand, I can always turn to God. Now, I am praying to have some good night sleep and hopefully tomorrow will be a happy day.

Posted on Sunday, May 11th, 2008 at 1:47 am and is filed under Lupus, Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.