I haven’t been able to update my blogs and I have missed out some link assignments too and not to mention I miss blog hopping (sorry friends) I have been extremely occupied with a lot of things that I’ve been temporary missing in action. But I do miss blogging and hopefully I’ll be back on track very soon. Like I said I have been extremely busy, since I was sick at the first few days of the New Year I need to catch up on work and I have been so behind in my deadlines.

There’s so many things happening in my life right now and I feel like time is always running out from me. I am only thankful that somehow I have learned to live with Lupus with grace. Yes, there are always tough times and there are still nights that I will cry to sleep, begging God to completely heal me from this sickness and make me normal again. A lot of people never see what’s really inside me, no one knows about truth behind all the smiles and the strong persona I always try to be… I maybe laughing but I’ve been slowly dying inside and I am not always strong, I’m terrified that I may not get well at all and my life will just be a waste because of this illness.

I always try to see the positive side of everything, always keeping the faith that everything happens for a reason and God does not allow us to suffer anymore than what we can handle but sometimes fear and doubts scares me. What will happen to my life? There are so many things that I want to do, so many places that I want to see but Lupus is preventing me to do so. I want a normal life where I can get married and have a child, go to work without having to worry about calling in sick again, waking up every morning without feeling so exhausted over nothing, doing things that I want to do without worrying on my next doctor’s visit or just having one day without taking any medicine. Sometimes, I wonder if having a chronic illness like this was truly a blessing, many times I tell myself that it is but oftentimes it just doesn’t feel like it…