Not so long ago, I broke up with someone simply because I had Lupus. I just felt at that time, I was doing him a favor. I don’t want him to take care of me forever, I don’t want to be a burden to him and I don’t want him to suffer with the uncertainty of my illness. My friends disapproved my decision, saying that I was just taking pity on myself, they said I can never find someone like him anymore. But the thing is, I am aware of that I am letting “mr.right” go and I maybe stupid and a fool but that is what I want to do, I just had this feeling that even though he said my health condition won’t be a problem for us I don’t believe him. What if I can’t give him a child? He was an only child and he was already being pressured by his family to have a child and with my sickness, I am not sure if I am capable of bearing a child even how desperately I want to. Maybe my insecurities and fear took the better part of me when I decided to leave him but in truth, I am keeping a painful secret that really made me leave him. I fell out of love with him.

I guess, that’s the magic word “love” because as a hopeless romantic as I am I know I can endure everything when it comes to love but somewhere along the way I had lost that feeling towards him. I was not used in being the heart breaker but this time I caused him so much pain that in just a matter of months he got married with someone else. I sincerely wish him happiness and that is probably our destiny.

Posted on Monday, November 19th, 2007 at 9:58 pm and is filed under Love, Lupus, Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.