The past few days was really toxic. Well, I was kinda expecting it since we all had a long vacation and now, it’s time to focus and finish all the pending works. There has been a lot of things in my mind lately and it feels like I’m a ticking time bomb waiting to explode any minute now.
I can’t believe a year had passed that I said goodbye to the one I love so much, I haven’t seen him for the past six months. I shouldn’t feel any regrets, it was my choice to leave, to let him go and do the right thing but that doesn’t mean I am not hurting because everyday, I am trying to ease the pain by telling myself that I had moved on, that I am alright on my own but still even if I tried to focus myself on other things and keep myself busy, at the end of the day there is still one person that I want to be with, it’s just sad that I can’t. I am missing him but I don’t wanna see him, I don’t think I am strong enough to deal with him.
I was offered a job in Singapore and I only have a few days to decide whether I am gonna accept it or not. I should be happy, right? After all, I have always dream of living on my own but I’ve got hesitations, it’s not that I’m scared I know I can do it and a change of environment will really be a big help for me. But I am worried that what if my Lupus illness strikes and I’m all alone and can I handle it? My mom doesn’t want me to go, she said that I needed to be taken care of. Though I may have a Lupus remission now and I feel great but what about the days that I have flares.
Part of me doesn’t want to leave, I am doing great here and I am in my comfort zone but a part of me wants to give it a try, to see what life has in store for me outside my comfort zone. I need some enlightenment and I’ve been praying to God to help me decide on what to do.