“In our lives the darkest times, the days that are bleak and black, add depth to every other experience. Like the dark bits of color in a mosaic, they add the contrast and shadows that give beauty to the whole, but they are just a small part of the big picture.”

~ Amy Grant~
Mosaic: Pieces of My Life so Far

After a series of uncertainty and fearing the unknown about my illness, it felt like I’m in the dark and I got scared. I didn’t really know what to feel. The doctors says that I’m gonna have Lupus all my life and it’s a battle that I cannot win. It was a devastating truth that I have to deal with everyday. There are days that my lupus flares are so bad that I just wanna give in and just lie down and wait for death, I actually prayed for it.. I asked God to take my life away, to just end it right there then because I just couldn’t bear another pain. Although I wanted to die at that time, it never crossed my mind to take my own life because I know that will be an unforgivable sin.

When they say that there’s light at the end of the tunnel, I was wondering how far must I stay in the dark… It has been a long and sad journey. Going through an illness that nobody knows about and nobody seems to understand. I don’t look sick, I am in fact radiant and looks like someone full of life but I am dying in grief inside.

I am an optimistic person, my faith in God gives me strength to go on and hope for a better tomorrow. God made my darkest hour, the greatest testimony of my life. I may not have the beautiful snapshot of my life right now but I know that it’s just part of the masterpiece that God has in store for me.

Posted on Tuesday, November 6th, 2007 at 10:20 pm and is filed under CWO: In "other" Words, Inspirational, Lupus, Meme. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.