I am fascinated with butterflies, not only because it’s the only manifestation of my lupus illness but because it represents how something insignificant can become so beautiful. It also symbolizes that change maybe difficult and painful but sometimes we need it to find something worthwhile.

Most people search for happiness, myself included and many times I told myself that I am happy but in reality I am only convincing myself that I am happy, because I’m not. Yes, my life is okay… I should be feeling good, after all I have been very blessed but no matter how I try to be optimistic about my condition, I fear that I’m not really doing any better. Maybe I’m just having some birthday blues or lupus anxiety is just attacking me once again or probably I’ll blame it to the gloomy weather but I am so sad and I don’t even know why.

They say you shouldn’t chase for happiness, I am not.. at least I already stopped trying because I have learned that happiness should come from within and like the butterfly, once you try to catch it it’ll fly as far as it can but if you turn away, it’ll probably come to you softly and gently…