This week Loni of Joy in the Morning chose a beautiful quote from Kay Arthur’s
Lord, I Want to Know (in reference to Exodus 17:15 “The Lord is my banner”)

“Under the banner of God, victory is always assured;
but apart from it, defeat is a certainty.
When the banner of God’s rod was not held high,
Amalek prevailed.
You can’t do battle against the flesh under your own power.”

If you could see me now, you will never thought that I am suffering from Lupus, you will find it hard to believe that I successfully went through two sessions of chemo therapy for the past two years, you will probably think I’m joking when I tell you that almost two years ago, everybody thought I was dying, I was barely breathing when they rushed me in the Intensive Care Unit and maybe you’ll think that I’m probably too fat well, do I have to tell you that I’ve been under high dose of steroid medication for the past six years… Hmmn, should I go on? Well, do I need to mention that my life was turned upside down since I was diagnosed with this illness?

Now, do I have a enough reason to be angry with God? Nah!
The truth is, I did!
I used to be so angry with God.

But indeed, God has a mysterious way of extending His arms for us. I remembered one night, when I was lying helplessly on my hospital bed at the ICU and I couldn’t move because of the wires and tubes connected in my body, it was so quiet.. the only sound that I could hear was my heart beating slowly in the monitor and at that moment God spoke to me. He was calling me back and I knew all along that no matter how angry I was with God, I am helpless without Him and I need Him in my life, and there is no way that I can overcome this illness on my own. Those nights in the ICU was the darkest hours in my life but God made that darkest hour, the greatest testimony of my life.

I’m still a work in progress and everyday is still a struggle but I’m still smiling because I know that I have a big God that I can always depend on and who never ceases to love me.

Often times my friends asked how can I still be smiling, how can I look so strong and brave in facing all these difficulties… my answer is simple “there is always victory in God” and in reality I am not that strong and I’m not always brave, but my strength comes in knowing that the battle is not mine but the Lord’s and in Him we always conquer. As long as you have faith and let Him be in control in your life, defeat is never gonna happen, you just need to be strong, stay firm and always, always keep the faith.

God bless us all!

Posted on Wednesday, August 29th, 2007 at 12:22 am and is filed under CWO: In "other" Words, Inspirational, Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.