Sometimes I wish I could fast forward time, to the day I can honestly say that I had forgotten you. I know that moving on is a process and just like any other wound it takes time to heal, and yes sometimes it leaves a deep scar that serves as a small reminder of the pain.

There are days that I seem fine, those are the days that I keep myself busy with work and with other things so that I won’t have the time to think about you. But at the end of the day, when I’m all alone and the stillness of the night thoughts of you continue to linger.

Only time will determine when and how long I am going to move on. I know that the pain and your memories will not go away that easily as I want them to be, but eventually one day I am quite sure that I am gonna wake up and realize that somewhere along the way, that piercing feeling that I’ve always felt inside my heart will fade away. Life goes on, and sometimes we get so caught up and too busy living our lives that we no longer notice that we had indeed moved on.

Just like the branches that’s been swamped in the shore after the storm.. everything will just be fine, in time…

It’s a sad event for my family. My grandmother’s sister died after months of battling in the hospital. I cannot help but cry watching my grandmother grieve for her sister.. sabi pa ni lola siya na lang daw mag-isa. I know death is something that is inevitable and it will happen to all of us but still no one can prepare for the sadness it brings. I will surely miss Lola Ayit, she has been very nice to me and to all of us, and I will always have fond childhood memories with her. For so long they have been looking for the best arthritis treatments for her but all the complications and her old age just took out the best of her.

This roses are for you, I know you always loved flowers and may your soul rest in peace. I love you, Lola Ayit!

I brought all my old clothes to my mom’s friend for repair. I just have nothing to wear anymore since I lost a lot of weight. My old clothes doesn’t fit anymore, imagine having clothes with XXXL to Medium. I am not complaining I really like my body now and for so long I wanted to lose weight and even tried a lot of quick weight loss methods but I have learned that you really need a lot of discipline and determination to achieve something, just like my father always told me when I was young.

I can’t believe it’s been a year since my brother graduated from college. He got a job right after graduation but he didn’t like it so he eventually resigned, then he found another job that really looks promising but due to the financial instability of our country he lost that job too. So the journey on finding another job was really a struggle, he’s been sending out his resumes to prospective companies and by God’s grace he didn’t search for long and now, he already have a job that he says he really loves. I just hope that this is gonna be his chosen career.

It has always been a dream of mine to have a backyard pond at home. I am not sure what is it about fishes that really soothes me and help me relax. I thought that you need to have a landscaper to have a beautiful garden but with these pond kits available online, you can easily do your dream pond in your backyard. I just hope I can have the time to do it.

I don’t really like celebrating Valentine’s day, I just thought it is just an overrated event that is just being too commercialized. But days before the heart’s day I received a wonderful surprise from someone very special to me.. I am not really sure what it means but I just loved it… now, I had proven that diamonds even loose diamonds are indeed a girl’s best friend. So what’s the surprise, hmm maybe I’ll take a snapshot of it and you can look.

I am so amazed with technology, it just keeps on evolving and evolving and I like it. I recently discovered epson receipt printer it is a great device to use for someone who has a printing business like I do. You can keep track of all your print-outs and maximize the use of your printer by monitoring all your activities. By this you can also estimate the use of your ink and paper. I really like that device.

I had a wonderful evening celebrating the birthday of one of my dear friends and it is always a happy moment being with the group that matters to you most. We had fun, the laughter we shared can never compensate the happiness I felt knowing that they are my true friends and they care about me a lot. The food was great too, it was a simple gathering but it was a happy one and I am so glad that I recharged my battery that I was able to capture the moment…

Everything ran like clockwork…

I felt in complete control of my life and it may sound too good to be true but I am living my dream. Everything was perfect just the way I planned them to be.

It was the year 2001, I’m a fresh graduate, had my dream job in an international company that pays really well,  my long-time boyfriend and I were planning to tie the knot.. what can I ask for more?? I had everything I ever wanted, I just couldn’t ask for more. But from the moment the pain in my lower body struck and I found myself almost paralyzed, my world began to fall apart.. Everyone thought it was just a fever and it will go away soon enough.. yeah right! Two weeks in the hospital and still the doctors cannot say what was wrong with me and I’m not getting any better, in fact I’m getting worse each day. And while I’m lying in the hospital bed, I felt helpless and I cried to God “what’s happening?” I knew something was really really wrong but I had no idea that from that moment on, my life will forever be changed. Suddenly my perfect world is not so perfect anymore, it all came crumbling down. I had to adopt to a new lifestyle, my life was suddenly turned upside down and my dreams were all shattered. I was crushed and broken into tiny bits of pieces until there was almost nothing left for me.

Lupus had changed my life, in every way possible and I still question God from time to time “Why me? What have I done so wrong to deserve this?” I did not ask for a perfect life.. and why would He give something only to get it back.. I was deeply hurt and there came a time that I was disappointed with God, blaming Him for all the pain I have to endure with this illness. But I soon realized there was no one to blame, everything that’s been happening has a reason and I have no right to be angry with God.

Slowly, I am accepting that this is probably my fate and I have to believe that somehow something good will come out of this. Everyday is a struggle but I take them now as a blessing, I have so much to be thankful for and sometimes we take for granted the simple things in life not realizing that it is essential as the air we breathe. Sometimes when we are faced in a difficult situation we tend to freak out but let us rely on God’s comforting words…

“Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10

I know the clock is ticking and sometimes I feel I am being left out. But who says I’m running?? I am standing still, waiting… waiting!!!